


Reckless Journey

by Weasleymama



Series: Reckless [2]
Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2018-07-11 07:04:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7034917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weasleymama/pseuds/Weasleymama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/5739358">Reckless Abandonment</a></p><p>Maya comes back to New York.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * Constructive criticism
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> This author replies to all comments!

> It had been almost a year since Joshua Matthews had seen Maya Hart. He couldn’t understand how they’d gone from deeply in love to her leaving him behind. He tried to accept the excuses she’d given about wanting to know her family, about them ending what they had long distance because it wasn’t fair to either when they were so far apart. He had even managed to forgive her for ending it with his via text – it would have been hard to talk about it, she didn’t like to let people hear her cry – he justified to himself that it was the only reason she’d done all the things she had. The truth of her situation had never once crossed his mind. In fact, Maya ever being dishonest with him had never once crossed his mind. 
> 
> Cory urged him to move on; reminding him that Maya had pulled back from them all and there was little chance she would ever come back. She’d even managed to shut out Riley after leaving. Cory didn’t want Josh to spend his college experiences pining for a girl who wasn’t coming back. He’d gone on a couple of dates, but he couldn’t be bothered with it going beyond that. He focused all of his attention on his studies and while he became an honor student he also became quite antisocial.
> 
> Josh kept a photo of himself and Maya in his room, he kept drawings she’d done along with anything else that reminded him of her was all safely kept in a box under his bed. He couldn’t seem to let her go, she was such a huge part of him, of the man he’d chosen to be that letting go of the last parts of her he had left was too hard. 
> 
> He contemplated going to Ohio again, finding a way to remind her of what they were…convince her somehow that they were stronger than the distance. Cory had talked him out of it, however, if she wasn’t returning phone calls it wasn’t a good choice to make that trek just to have a door shut in his face.
> 
> While he wished for it, Josh never expected to see her in New York again.
> 
> \--*--*--*--*--
> 
> Maya worked harder than she had ever worked in school just to finish and graduate with the rest of her class. She had been luckier than she knew to have her father and step-mother’s support, luckier than she’d given them credit for the first time she moved in. When she came back to them pregnant and scared, she was welcomed with open arms and given more help than she even knew she needed. There was a community in the small town that she wasn’t used to having in New York, at first it had come off as a detriment, but soon, Maya would see that this town looked out for its own more than just gossiping about them. 
> 
> A retired lady down the block would watch Matthew while Maya went to class if Jules or Kermit had to work. Megan and Laney grew incredibly fond of their older sister with her return. They fell deep in love with the newest addition to the family and took care of Matthew as well as any pre-teen could. They loved to hold him and play with him and then hand him back when he needed a diaper. Maya found that she was not the only one who would wake in the middle of the night for Matthew, that Jules or Kermit would come in and take him from her, telling her to go back to sleep. 
> 
> But despite all she had, she wondered to herself what it would have been like if she’d stayed in New York. She’d have had Josh, and the Matthew’s. She’d have likely gotten married…she’d still finish school, but things would be much different. They would have all had to move if not just her, the apartment was large, but not _that_ large. And when she considered how she finally had a relationship with her father she was glad she came back – but felt guilt over the relationship she was keeping Matthew from having with his father and the rest of that family. She knew that they would be a good influence on him and that they would show him good people more than she felt she could. 
> 
> With every day that passed, it was harder and harder for Maya to figure out a way to tell Josh about his son. She reasoned that there was nothing he could do anyway, he couldn’t move here and she couldn’t move there – especially not now that she finally felt like she was part of the family. She had dreams about Josh and her walking together with Matthew and nightmares of the whole family hating her for keeping the baby a secret from them. But when she awoke from either, she would look down at her son and still feel torn on whether or not she made the right choice – what the right choice even was with something like this.
> 
> “Maya?” Meg said softly from the open doorway of Maya and Matthew’s bedroom. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
> 
> “Sure, c’mon in.” She said, laying Matthew down on the bed where she sat. “Hey why don’t you grab him a onsie from the dresser.” She offered, knowing her sisters liked to pick out cute outfits for the baby to wear. Meg grabbed the one she bought for him, a blue onsie that read ‘I love my Aunt’ on it and handed it over as she sat on the side of the bed, looking down at her nephew and smiling. “What’s on your mind?” 
> 
> “I heard you talking to Sarah last night.” She said almost sheepishly. “I wasn’t trying to listen.” But Maya understood, the walls were thin and nearly anything could be heard through the vents. “Um.” She reached for her nephew, snapping the onsie between his legs. “If you’re scared to go talk to Matty’s dad, I’ll go with you.” She looked up to Maya as she lifted the baby, holding him close. “I won’t let him yell at you.” She told her older sister with her head held high and proud.
> 
> Maya smiled to the twelve year old who she had come to love so much. “I know you would.” She replied, standing to find something for herself to wear for the day. “It’s a little more complicated than that though.” Maya told her as she changed but Meg just shrugged.
> 
> “If you say so.” She handed the baby back to her sister and started towards the door. “But, if you really dumped him over a text and haven’t talked to him since…he probably already hates you, it’s not like you’re ruining something good.” She reminded her older sister before slipping out. Megan had always been the brutally honest one in the family, she could be blunt to the point of being hurtful but she did make a good point this time. 
> 
> Maya had tried to make a clean break from New York. The place was painful to her to think of now, so much love lost, so much time alone. She never intended to lose contact with everyone, only Josh…but in time she stopped talking to everyone she’d known in the city. Texts and emails dwindled and eventually they all just drifted apart. But the more she thought about how to ever tell Josh, the more curious she was about everyone else. Social media came in handy then, with a few clicks she could see pictures of them all posted as recently as an hour before. As Matthew slept that afternoon she found herself looking through several months’ worth of Instagram images for Riley, Lucas, Farkle and even Josh - as heartbreaking as it was. 
> 
> She knew what she needed to do, but she had no idea how to go about it. How could she just come into Josh’s life and tell him? Surprise, you have a son! It was impossible and she didn’t have a clue where to start, but she knew she had to do it. It wasn’t fair to Matthew and she knew it. She’d grown up with it. But there wasn’t anything in the world she’d ever been more afraid of. 
> 
> “We’ll take you to New York if you want.” Jules offered and Maya was touched. She knew it would take a chunk out of their income to take off work to take her back there for who knew what kind of outcome, but they were willing to help her clean up her mess.
> 
> “I know you would.” Maya nodded, her body rocking slightly on the couch as she held Matthew.
> 
> “At least leave Matthew here, we’ll take care of him, you don’t need to go into that city alone with the baby.” Jules had never been to New York, she liked her small town life and the city frightened her – though she’d never admit it. 
> 
> “Nothing to be scared of, Jules. New York isn’t a bad place, it was home for a long time.”
> 
> They’d decided on everything; Kermit would drive Maya and Matthew to New York. He didn’t want her going alone – and especially not alone with a baby. Maya had to admit he was right, their car wasn’t in the best shape and if something happening, being stranded with a baby could turn out incredibly bad. She’d resisted his taking a week off work for this, knowing they needed the money. “You are more important.” It was something Maya had longed to hear for most of her youth and it hit her then more than ever that she had to go back no matter how scared she was. Matthew deserved a father. 
> 
> It wasn’t until they’d finished discussing the plan that Laney came running out of her room, Megan on her heels as if trying to stop her. “You can’t!” Laney yelled with tears in her eyes. “You can’t just leave again. You said this was your home now!” 
> 
> “Laney…” Jules began, but Maya went to them both, wrapping her arms around her half-sisters.
> 
> “Listen, Dad’s going with me. I am coming back this time. Okay?” She held out her pinky fingers to them both. “Double pinky swear, I am coming back. But I have to do this, we talked about it, remember, it’s for Matty.” She hadn’t realized how much her running away before had gotten to them, made them fear her doing it again now that they had become so close.
> 
> \--*--*--*--*--
> 
> The drive to New York felt longer than it had ever felt before. The closer Maya got to the city, the more her stomach twisted into knots. “Maybe this is a bad idea…” she said, looking from the road to her father behind the wheel. “Maybe we should just go home.”
> 
> Kermit glanced over to his daughter and sighed softly. He knew deep down that this was his fault in a way. He’d instilled in her an urge to run and while it had taken him decades to overcome it himself, he couldn’t blame her for it hitting her so hard now. She was still so young and dealing with so much more than she was ready for. Kermit, looked over at her once more and he could see it in her eyes, she looked like a caged bird, terrified and wanting to fly away. He nodded some to himself and pulled off the highway at the next ramp.
> 
> The car came to a stop at a gas station but instead of going to a pump he parked and turned in his seat to face his daughter. “When you were little, I ran away. Every time I was on my way back I thought of the fighting and the way I was disappointing you and your mother and the fear of that confrontation kept me running away.” She looked to him with pained eyes. Did he really need to do this now? “I have never been as strong as you are right now. And I know you have faced up to confrontations and situations that weren’t easy. You didn’t leave us because you were running from us, you were running to them. You have never been the one to run away and I don’t want you to do it now.” 
> 
> Maya looked away as her eyes welled, not even wanting him to see her cry. But Kermit reached for her hand and kept taking. “Maya, if you want to go home, I will pull out of here and go left and we’ll head back home. No one will judge you for that. But I want you to really think about it before you decide. You wanted to do this for a reason and I think you were right. I know as well as anyone that the more you run, the harder it will ever be to go back at all.” 
> 
> Maya took a deep breath, looking at the signs on the road the arrow left would take them back west towards Ohio and right was east towards New York. “I’m scared.” Her voice broke as she spoke. “They’re all going to hate me…they all already hate me.” She looked to her father then, tears falling down her cheeks. 
> 
> “Do you remember what you told me when I came to pick you up in New York after your mom passed?” She just stared at him. “You told me they were your family…well baby, now they really are. You can run from them or you can face them…but either way they’re yours and Matty’s family.”
> 
> Maya took a moment to just feel it all, to cry and hate the entire situation. Just a moment to let everything hit her before she stiffened her chin and nodded. “Okay.” She began, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. “Let’s go…to New York.”
> 
> \--*--*--*--*--
> 
> Josh walked right past where Maya was sitting on a bench near the med school dorms, not even glancing down at the blonde with a stroller. He’d given up all hope of her being there when he turned around long ago but she noticed him immediately. Maya stood, hand on the stroller handle as she called out his name. The tall young man froze in place, the friend he was walking with looking over at him curiously. Josh knew the voice, he’d know it anywhere, he turned slowly and was faced with the girl he was sure he was going to spend his life with, his Topanga. What he hadn’t expected was the stroller before her. “Yo, Josh, you okay?” 
> 
> Josh turned to his friend and nodded. “Uh, yeah…I’ll um…I’ll catch up with you later.” He replied, not even turning back to his friend as he walked off, his eyes locked on Maya.
> 
> Her heart was racing so hard against her chest it felt like it was in her throat. Just calling out his name had taken so much courage she wasn’t sure just then if she had anymore inside her. Maya nearly began to cry as soon as his eyes locked on hers. She griped the stroller handle tightly to keep her hands from shaking as he looked her over. He’d seen the stroller, he had to know…didn’t he?
> 
> It took Josh a moment to gather himself, swallowing hard before he began to take a few steps towards her. “Hi…” She said softly, eyes filled with hope that this might be okay, that he just might not hate her. That was until he got closer and she could see the tightness in his jaw. He looked at her and then down at her son. His eyes like daggers as the pain and anger washed over him. He shook his head at her and turned around taking long strides towards the doom. “Josh!” She called again. “Josh wait!”
> 
> He spun on his heels and stared her down, a look in his eyes she’d never seen before. “Wait for what?!” He snapped. “What could you possibly have to say to me, Maya?! Why are you even here?” His hands clenched around the strap of his bag so tightly his knuckles were going what. 
> 
> “Look, I know you’re upset…but if you’d just let me explain….” She lowered her voice as she approached him not wanting to wake Matthew. 
> 
> “Explain? What exactly do you want to explain, Maya? You left, you dumped me over a fucking text and then what…met someone else and got pregnant? Or were you already seeing someone before you dumped me? Wanted to make sure it worked out before you got rid of me?” He would have waited for her, waited as long as she needed – it was a fact they both knew – it was why she let him go when she moved to Ohio.
> 
> “Wha-what?” Her brow furrowed as she looked back and forth between Matthew and Josh. It took her a moment to understand what he meant, to see what he thought. “You…” She felt like she’d just been hit in the chest, all the wind knocked out of her. When it hit her that he thought she left him for someone else, that he thought Matthew belonged to someone else she was furious. “That’s what you think of me?” She asked him, her voice low but filled with rage. 
> 
> Maya tightened her lips to keep them from quivering. Ever since she’d gotten pregnant, emotions hit her harder, the elevated hormones didn’t seem to ever go back to normal with the baby in her life. Josh shrugged bitterly at her, “what should I think, Maya? You show up here with no warning with a baby. You stopped talking to everyone, Riley spent weeks crying wondering what she did to you. And you just moved on with your life right? Forget the people here who love you, right? Just go on and make yourself a new life in Ohio with people you used to tell me you hated.” He took a step back from her, disgusted with everything he was feeling. “What happened to you?” He truly felt like he didn’t know her any longer.
> 
> Maya looked down at her son, he was stirring some, but hadn’t woken yet. She thought of her own mother who was never weak, never stopped protecting her and giving all she had to her child. And Maya took a deep breath and stood as high as her stature would allow. She looked Josh in the eyes, hers as hard as his – and while it felt strange for them to ever look at one another that way she didn’t back down. “His name is Matthew, and he’s **yours**.” She hadn’t wanted to tell Josh in that tone, to spit the words at him so harshly. She hadn’t wanted them to fight, but she knew it was a bigger possibility than his being happy to see her and accepting them both back into his life. 
> 
> Her words hit him like a brick, Josh took an unsteady step back and seemed to forget how to inhale for a moment. His eyes were wide and he went pale. He blinked a few times and seemed to be searching her face for any sign of a lie. Nearly wishing it was a lie. His eyes moved from the baby to Maya a few times before he could bring himself to say anything. His mind was reeling with so many emotions and thoughts all at once. 
> 
> Matthew. His. His son. She’d had his baby. She’d had his baby and not told him. She’d had his baby and left him. She’d had his baby and done it alone. She’d had his baby and he missed it.
> 
> He met her eyes and couldn’t decide if he hated her in that moment or still loved her. If he was supposed to love her because she was the mother of his child. If he was supposed to be with her or forgive her. He had no idea what to say so he just moved to sit on the bench where she’d originally been waiting for him and let everything hit him. He didn’t say a word and it was the silence that concerned Maya more than anything. She didn’t know what to do or say next. This wasn’t a lesson you were taught in life, just one you had to figure out on your own. 


	2. Chapter 2

> Maya and Josh sat on the bench in silence for almost an hour, the sound of Maya’s phone the only thing that broke the tension between them. Kermit had been texting, she’d been gone a while without any word and he wanted to make sure she was okay. She didn’t speak to Josh as she texted her father back. Realizing then how much had changed in her life since the last time she’d been this close to him. She’d left her father and his family before, she didn’t speak to them nor trust them. But now they were there for her and she knew the love was there…Josh knew nothing about any of that though. And that was her fault.
> 
> She knew she needed to speak first and she knew the only words she needed to say. “I’m sorry.”
> 
> Josh turned at the sound of her voice, it was soft and when he met her eyes he still wasn’t sure if he could accept her words. “Yeah.” He muttered, turning away again. 
> 
> “Seriously, Josh. I am sorry…I…I really thought.” He closed his eyes tight to check his temper as she spoke but it was getting away from him.
> 
> “Thought what?” He snapped, though he seemed to be aware of the dark haired infant sleeping close to them and didn’t raise his voice. He wanted so much to scream at her, to tell her to leave, but at the same time he didn’t want to watch her leave again.
> 
> “I thought I was doing the right thing.” She said, and when the words came out they felt so much more foolish than they’d felt before.
> 
> “The right thing?” He scoffed and shook his head. “I’d hate to know what you think the wrong thing is.” He muttered, but she knew she deserved it. 
> 
> “Josh…” She sighed, what could she possibly say to make this better? “I really am sorry. I know I should have told you. I just wanted you to have the life you were meant to have.”
> 
> “Oh shut up.” He snapped this time, but the baby only stirred a little, the little one was used to sleeping through noise with the small house filled with people in Ohio. Maya leaned back some and held back any other words that she’d been ready to say. “I loved you, I wanted to be with you, and you have my baby…how in the hell is that NOT the life I’m meant to have?” He turned to her, his eyes angry. “Or was it just not the life YOU wanted to have?” 
> 
> “That’s not what it was about!” She snapped back, despite not having much right to be angry with him, his opinion had always mattered and for him to think so badly of her just hurt. “You’re supposed to be a doctor, you’re supposed to be someone who makes a difference. You have a future and a life…and I didn’t want to be the reason you gave it up.”
> 
> “You don’t get to make that choice!” He snapped, standing and pacing some then. He was so angry and confused he couldn’t stay sitting still. “You don’t get to choose what I do with my own fucking life, Maya! But you did! You knew you were pregnant and you left! You didn’t just leave me, you left everyone, you left your home! You took my future from me!” Maya shrunk down as much as she could as he shouted at her. He was right, she’d decided everything without asking him anything, without consulting with the family or even attempting to ask for help. When she looked back she couldn’t even remember why she’d been so ready to leave, why it made so much sense before. “Why, Maya? Why did you do this?!” 
> 
> “I don’t know!” She snapped back, tears welling in her eyes but she didn’t want to let them fall. “I don’t know…I just.” She shook her head, her voice softening as Matty started to fuss – woken from the shouting. Maya instantly reached down and lifted him up, Josh watching with wide eyes. He stood frozen watching her as she shhhed softly to the baby, as she rocked him in her arms. He moved back to the bench, sitting beside her to get a better look at the baby. Dark hair, little smushed face as he fussed at her shoulder. Maya’s eyes met Josh’s. “I…” She kissed the top of her son’s head and closed her eyes for a moment. “I thought if you knew, you would quit school, you’d never do everything you’re supposed to do. And…it would be my fault.”
> 
> It had taken her some time to get it out, the two of them finally calming down. “You should have told me.” He said softly, eyes moving from Matthew to her over and over. “Can I?” He asked, nodding to the baby. Maya tried to smile as she nodded and handed over her son to his father. Josh looked down at the baby in his arms – he was calmed down from his mother’s touch but awake and looking up at Josh. He didn’t question if it was his baby, he knew it was, he knew that he was the father of this baby and that he would be there for this little boy. But as his eyes met Maya’s again, hers filled with tears as she watched father and son together, he wasn’t sure he could ever trust her or forgive her for what she’d done.
> 
> \--*--*--*--*--
> 
> There was one thing about the Matthew’s home that had never changed. Even without Maya in the city, Riley’s bay window was unlocked. It was the most unsafe thing the girl ever did, but it was also the metaphorical candle in the window to bring home a loved one. Maya was sure as soon as she pushed open the window that Riley had been waiting for the day she would come back in.
> 
> She slid into the bedroom that had changed very little in her time away. It was back to one bed, back to how it looked before Maya ever lived there, but it still felt like home. Maya took in a deep breath, the smell of the home took her back to a simpler time in life. Even back as far as when he mother was still alive. She moved to the bed and sat down, pulling a pillow over and hugging it close as she breathed it in. She blinked back the tears that were forming in her eyes and smiled a little. She rarely prayed, she wasn’t a religious person, but she silently prayed for forgiveness for everything she’d done. Good intentions or not, she’d made mistakes and she knew that soon she was going to have to face the one person who always had the power to break her down.
> 
> Riley did the same thing every day, she let herself in, went to her room, dropped her backpack and kicked off her shoes – swapping them out for fluffy slippers. But this time when she walked into the room and dropped the bag, she did it with a scream. When Maya stood, Riley rushed her, arms wrapped around her tightly as she squealed in excitement. It had been easy to be angry with Maya for disappearing when Maya wasn’t right there looking at her, but being able to hug her oldest friend had washed away a large chunk of the anger for a moment. Maya closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath as Riley held her close and seemed so excited. She knew she was going to ruin it, but for the moment she just wanted to hold on tightly.
> 
> The hug would never feel long enough for Maya – especially when Riley finally remembered how much it hurt that Maya left her behind. The much taller brunette pulled back, taking Maya’s shoulder’s into her hand and looked at her. “Maya…” She smiled. “I can’t believe you’re here!” She moved in for another quick hug before pulling back again, this time with a sharper expression. “Where have you been?” 
> 
> Maya took in a breath and stepped backwards. She sat in the window and looked outside and then around the bedroom. “Riles, I’m really sorry.” She started softly. “I know I shut you out…shut everything out when I left, and you. Well, you never deserved that.” Riley sat with her, her eyes softening as she looked to her friend. “I missed this place so much.” Maya said in a whisper, her eyes welling already. 
> 
> “Maya?”
> 
> “I screwed up.” Maya began, not looking Riley in the eyes, terrified of what she would see in return. “I lied and I ran away, and did things I never thought I would do. And I am so scared you’re going to hate me, and you should-” 
> 
> Riley stared at Maya in concern. “Maya. There is nothing you can do to ever make me hate you. You left, you stopped calling and I still love you.”
> 
> Maya closed her eyes tight in a failed attempt to keep the tears at bay. “I had a baby.” Maya blurted it out, knowing if she didn’t say it right then that she may never say it. The silence after she spoke seemed unnatural. Riley sat, eyes wider and jaw dropped. She wanted it to be a joke, she wanted Maya to laugh, but no one laughed. As it hit Riley that this was real, that Maya had a baby and never told her, that she could keep a secret like that, lie about things in Ohio when they did speak. Riley let it all run through her mind and instead of moving in and hugging Maya as she once would if something so serious was happening – Riley scooted away from Maya. She looked to the blonde and couldn’t understand what was happening. 
> 
> “A baby?” Riley asked softly. She thought about this moment once…but in her imagination she and Maya would be pregnant together, married and in their 20’s. In her imagination, they’d do it all together. Maya just nodded at her question, looking up slowly to see the hurt in Riley’s eyes. 
> 
> Maya thought for a second and knew she had to lay it all out there, that if she continued to hold back it was only going to be worse. “Yes. Josh’s.” The words came out fast, and while Maya thought it would be like ripping off a band-aid, Riley felt like she’d just had the wind knocked out of her. Riley looked away from Maya, staring at nothing as she silently processed. 
> 
> She stood, walking back and forth, taking it all in, the lies, the secrets, the deceit and….Josh. She’d lied to Josh, she’d left and had a baby and never told him. It wasn’t even a question, if Josh knew he’d have told them…he’d have wanted to be with Maya, but she told no one. She left. That was why she left. It had to be. She left so fast, she shut them all out. She let the anger build up inside before she looked at Maya again. “You…” She glared at Maya who sat waiting for the blow to come, “are worse than your dad.” She spoke with angry tears in her own eyes. Maya had expected anger, but those words hit her in a way she didn’t expect… and it hurt. While Maya had grown to love her father, love her family and forgive him for the past, she knew to Riley it was an awful insult. Riley sniffled back, she didn’t hide her tears like Maya did, but she couldn’t stop it this time. “I hope he never forgives you.” She spoke coldly even thought her voice was breaking. She turned her back quickly, not wanting to look at Maya crying.
> 
> Maya swallowed hard and tightened her lips. She wasn’t sure she’d ever been so hurt and angry at the same time. “Have no doubt you’ll get your wish with that one.” Maya replied as coolly as she could as she wiped hot tears from her face. Riley turned quickly to face Maya, angry she’d even snap back at her, she was the one who’d been in the wrong. “And screw you.” Maya continued only to Riley’s shock. “You don’t even let me explain, just say I’m worse than my dad. You don’t know anything, Riley! You live in a fucking perfect world. Well out there in the real world people make mistakes.” Maya stood, glaring at her best friend. “I made a mistake and you know who’s been there helping me? MY DAD!” 
> 
> “Because you didn’t let me be there!” Riley screamed back. “You left! You didn’t trust me, you didn’t think I’d help you?! You think you’d be better off with the man who left you?” 
> 
> “It wasn’t like that!” Maya couldn’t hold back her frustration, she pushed her hands into her hair, wanting to rip it out. She took a few deep breaths, crouching down taking a breath. “It wasn’t…like that.” She said again, softer. She didn’t want to be screaming at Riley. She plopped down on the carpet and looked up at Riley. “I wanted to tell you, I wanted you there…but…I messed up, okay?” 
> 
> Riley looked down at Maya as she finally broke down and seemed to soften as well. She wiped her face and sniffed as she sat down on the floor as well. “Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked, watching Maya with teary eyes. 
> 
> “I, uh, I found out and I got really scared. I thought about telling Josh and I even went there to do it, but um, I couldn’t. I looked around and saw all his books and his school stuff. He’s got this amazing future and I know how much he wants to be a doctor and I was terrified he’d stop all of that because of me. I couldn’t forgive myself if I was the one responsible for fucking up his life. I watched him study and thought about what would happen if I told him. He’d want to get married and he’d want to be that good guy. He’d quit school and work full time and try to take care of me. And then I thought about my parents and how they fought all the time and my dad wasn’t ready to be a dad, and I know Josh wouldn’t leave me, he’s not that guy, but….he’d resent me, he’d think about all the dreams he wouldn’t fulfil because of me.” Maya’s voice broke as she spoke and she swiped away more tears. “I know I hurt a lot of people, and I know you all may never forgive me, but…I really wasn’t trying to be selfish or cruel. And after Matty was born-“
> 
> “Matty?” Riley cut in and Maya nodded. 
> 
> “Short for Matthew.” Maya explained, pulling out her phone and pulling up the picture of her small son before sliding it over to Riley. “After he was born, I knew I’d made the wrong choice. I knew it every time I looked at him. And I wanted to come back, but I got scared again, because I’d kept it from everyone….that you would all hate me. And it just got harder and harder.”
> 
> Riley looked down at the photo of the baby and couldn’t help but smile. He was a beautiful baby. “So why’d you come back now?”
> 
> “My dad.” She replied, Riley’s eyes back on hers again. “He talked about his regrets and how sorry he was for how I grew up, but said he made that choice, but I wasn’t giving Josh a choice. He came to New York with me, he’s really changed, Riles.” She nodded a little but it wasn’t Kermit that Riley was thinking about then.
> 
> “You told Josh?” Maya nodded. “Is he okay?” 
> 
> “I don’t know.” Maya replied honestly. “He’s mad, but…he stopped yelling by the end, even held Matty.”
> 
> “You brought the baby?” Riley asked, her tone changing some. “But you…didn’t bring him here?” 
> 
> “I thought it might be easier if it were just you and me. You know…so you could yell if you wanted to.” Maya tried to smile but it was hard. “Riles…I’m really sorry. I wanted to tell you, I did…I just.”
> 
> “I know.” Riley nodded, moving a little closer. “I’m still mad at you.” 
> 
> “I know.” Maya replied as she met Riley’s eyes, both girls looking far softer than they had when they began speaking. 
> 
> “Tell me about Matthew.” 


	3. Chapter 3

> When Maya went back to the campus she went without Matthew. She wanted to talk to Josh without the innocent baby holding him back from saying what he wanted to say. Fear washed over her as she raised her hand to knock. She paused, hand in the air and had to swallow hard and regain control of herself before she could bring herself to knock lightly. After a second of no response, she knocked again, a little harder this time but still no one answered. She wondered for a second if he was inside ignoring her. She chewed on the inside of her cheek for a moment, trying to decide what to do next; she hadn’t considered he wouldn’t even be there.
> 
> Josh sighed at the sight of her, cursing silently in his head as he approached. “What are you doing here?”
> 
> The familiar voice startled her as she spun on her heels to see him behind her with a bag slung over his shoulder. Her eyes locked on his and while part of her wanted to run right then, another part couldn’t look away. “I…” She took in a deep breath. “I wanted to talk to you. Josh stepped around her to open the door and go inside. He didn’t close the door in her face so Maya took a step inside. When he still didn’t stop her, she came in further and closed the door behind her. 
> 
> He kept his back to her for a while, taking his time putting things on his desk and taking time to compose himself. He noticed the baby wasn’t with her this time and he wasn’t sure if he was happy or not about that. The room was different that the one Maya spent so much time in the year before, there was a second bed, but this one wasn’t vacant, it was mussed and posters covered the walls. She let her eyes trail around the room he had a picture she drew on the wall, a photo of them in a frame on his bookshelf – though the glass in the frame was cracked. Knowing he’d held onto things from her made Maya feel like her throat was closing up. She tried not to let her eyes well, but it was hard to stop them from shining with tears.
> 
> Finally he turned and looked almost disgusted with her. “What do you want to talk about? More lies to confess?”
> 
> “I deserve that.” She admitted.
> 
> “You deserve a lot more than that.” He muttered back. 
> 
> “I know…” She said just as softly. “I know I do, and I know you hate me.” He stared at her, knowing deep down he didn’t hate her, couldn’t hate her, but he wasn’t going to tell her that. “I have been making the wrong choices my whole life and you were the last person in the world I ever wanted to hurt. I wanted to tell you, I wanted you there…but-”
> 
> “But?” He replied coldly, his eyes staring her down from across the room. “But what, Maya? What justified it to you?”
> 
> “I…I…“ 
> 
> “I, I, I.” He mocked, ignoring the pain in her eyes. “All about you wasn’t it? I don’t want to hear about how you thought it was right! It was bullshit yesterday and it’s still bullshit.” 
> 
> “It’s not bullshit!” She snapped back. “It’s the truth. Will you just-” She let out a huff and took a few more steps inside the dorm room. “Just think about it for a second. Think about your brother, they wouldn’t want me to move out with a baby, right? But there’s no room there for one, so they’d all have to move because of me. Riley would have to face all the shit from being my friend at school when the talk started. You…you would want to do the right thing, you’d want to get married and would want to support your kid, so you’d get a job, and soon you’d have to realize how much it all costs and work would become more important than school. You’d quit eventually and you’d say you can always go back, but with us, you never would. You’d be miserable and we’d end up fighting and it would be just like my parents.” Everything she’d played out in her head came out then, the only situations she could possibly see happening and all her fears that made her run. 
> 
> He stared at her as she spoke, his arms crossed over his chest and a brow raised. “You done?” at her slight nod, he continued. “I don’t care what you were scared of. The fact is, you got pregnant and didn’t trust me and had no faith in what we had so you took off. You kept my own kid from me. You say you were scared of us turning into your parents, fuck you Maya. You turned us into your parents. You did this.” When her eyes went wide and mouth parted to speak he didn’t let her interrupt. “You turned me into your dad. Now I’m an absentee father because you didn’t even tell me my own kid existed.”
> 
> Maya blinked hard taking in how he saw things. Had she actually done that? Had she meant to? Had she left him before he could leave her? No. She’d left to protect him….hadn’t she? She shook her head. “No. It wasn’t…”
> 
> “Yes. It was. You want me to think about some fucked future you concocted in your head? Well now you think.” Josh swallowed hard as he glared at her. “You find out, and instead of immediately freaking out and lying to everyone, you take a fucking breath and calm the hell down. You come to me because we love each other and it’s my kid too and we should talk about it _together_. And you may cry and I might cry, but we’re _together_. And we decide that it’s going to be hard but we can do it. We go tell Cory and Topanga and we take their yelling and condemnation _together_. Everything that happens, I am with you. Riley is with you, THIS whole family is with you. And yes, I would have wanted to marry you. Of course. But I wanted to do that anyway, Maya.” Her eyes filled with tears as he spoke, showing the vast difference between his optimism and her pessimism and how they saw the future. “And I would have married you, and I would work….and I don’t know if I’d quit school, but if I did, it would have been for a good reason, not something stupid like fear. We might have struggled, and we might have needed to move out of the city or in with family. But we’d have fucking been _together_.”
> 
> “Josh…” She whispered but he only shook his head.
> 
> “But you ruined all of that. You made choices for yourself, not for us. You took everything away from me.” He did everything he could to ignore tears on her cheeks. “And now what?” He asked her flatly. “Now what happens, Maya? Because we both know it’s **your** choice don’t we?”
> 
> “I…don’t know.” He looked at her suspiciously, not believing it at all.
> 
> “Do you want money? Child support?”
> 
> “No, no that’s not why I-"
> 
> “Then what do you want?!”
> 
> “I wanted you to know. I…I wanted him to know you. I, I know I took away your choice with that before and I was wrong. I know I was wrong and I’m sorry. But I’m trying to fix it. I…my dad, he…”
> 
> “Your dad.” Josh nodded. “Oh I get it now. Now that I know about Matthew when you take off then it’s my fault I’m not in his life, not yours. You’re trying to turn me into your dad so you don’t feel bad about what you did.” Her eyes went wide at this. “So you’ll go back to Ohio and you get to be guilt free because you’re the single mom and I’m the dad who gets to know my kid is out there somewhere but I’m not in his life.”
> 
> “Stop it!” She screamed this time. “That’s not what I’m doing and you fucking know it!”
> 
> “Then what are you doing?!” He shouted back at her. “What?!”
> 
> “I don’t know!” the yelling continued. “I’m trying to fix it but you don’t want me to fix it!”
> 
> “You are so full of shit!”
> 
> “It’s easier just to hate me!”
> 
> “I have never fucking hated you!!” He was red in the face now, furious with her but the truth in his words let him know he never stopped loving her. He took a couple deep breaths as he looked at her. She was flushed with a tear stained face. “I wanted to hate you.” He told her softly. “I still want to hate you, but I…can’t.” he felt defeated. 
> 
> “Sure sounds like hate to me.” She muttered, furiously wiping at her face.
> 
> “I’m fucking angry!” He yelled again. “I’m allowed to be angry, Maya! Fuck! I’m allowed to hate you, I just _don’t_.”
> 
> Maya flinched just slightly when he shouted her down and nodded. “I know. Maybe you should hate me.” Maya plopped down on the side of the bed with a defeated exhale. She put her head in her hands, wiping away the tears on her cheeks. Josh stared at her for a while, watching her eyes as the tears stopped but the redness remained, brightening the shade of blue that looked back at him. 
> 
> After what felt like ages, he softened. He sat down beside her on the bed and looked at his knees for a second. “Maya…” But when she turned to look at him, he didn’t look back. “Listen, this is just really hard okay? Just being here with you is hard. I loved you, you lied to me - about the worst possible thing. I can’t just let that go, but…not hating you doesn’t mean I know what to do right now.” He finally turned to look at her, and he felt like she could crush him again and again and he would still let her back in. 
> 
> “It’s hard for me too, Josh.” She told him honestly as she met his eyes. “I was terrified to come here, but I really was trying to make up for what I’d done.”
> 
> He let out a sigh as he nodded. “I know…it’s just that you did it at all that’s the problem.” Another sigh. “But, we can’t go back now to change it. So what happens now?” She looked at him curious. “What do you want me to do now?” 
> 
> Maya hesitated, looking down – what _did_ she want him to do? “I…don’t know.” She admitted. “I didn’t really think past telling you.”
> 
> “Well we’re past it now.” He took a moment, finding some order in the mess of confusion in his own head. “Do I even need to ask if you’re going back to Ohio.” He looked over at her, but she kept her head down and he had his answer. “I really don’t get this Maya. You come here and tell me about him and then you’re going to leave again?” He exhaled heavily and let himself fall backwards. He lay back on the bed, his legs hanging off the side as he pushed the heels of his hands against his eyes. “Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?” When he removed his hands his eyes were slightly wet but he blinked it away before sitting up. “Do you? I mean, what if it were you? What if I told you that I had your kid but I’m moving across the country so you’re not going to see him, but hey, at least you know.”
> 
> Maya’s bottom lip shook slightly at his words – she hadn’t even begun to consider that side of things and she mentally cursed herself for it. Before she could speak, he shook his head. “I know, you’re sorry, you didn’t think, I get it. But think about it now, Maya. Should I just forget? Pretend this isn’t real so I can go on with my life? Should I ask you to come back? Would you even if I tried?” He let out another sigh. “This is the most unfair thing you could have ever done to me, you know that?”
> 
> With tears in her eyes she nodded. “I’m sorry.” It was all too much and she could feel the inherited urge to run creeping up inside her. “I…I should go.” Josh used to be the one she’d run to when she ran away, but everything had changed now. 
> 
> “No.” he said quickly, his hand wrapping around her wrist as she moved to stand. “Don’t go.” His voice was soft. He truly didn’t know if she’d come back if she left then. When she looked at him, tears falling he leaned in. He hadn’t ever planned on embracing her, on holding her even though he felt so angry and miserable…but he was doing it. He closed his own eyes tight, willing himself not to cry as well, forcing himself not to show how much this was breaking him. 
> 
> When his arms moved around her, Maya let the last of her walls fall down and wrapped her arms around him tightly, clinging to him as she cried out apologies for him, for their son, for herself. Muffled ‘sorry’s were heard between sobs. “I know.” Was all Josh said over and over as he held onto her, he knew in his heart she wasn’t a bad person, she wasn’t malicious, she was never out to hurt anyone. He knew well how much she could love and how much she tried to protect people. He hated how she’d done it, but deep down he believed that she truly never meant to hurt him.
> 
> When her sobs turned to sniffles he loosened his hold on her and pulled back to see her. Her face red and puffy and wet from the tears. Maya frowned harder as she reached up and wiped his face. It was only then he even realized that he’d let some of his own tears fall despite his efforts to keep them in. At the gesture he just swallowed hard and reached to do the same as he wiped her face off with his thumbs. His fingers lingered on her face, his eyes locked on hers. Time seemed to stand still for them both and his eyes drifted down to her lips – puffy from crying, her whole face splotchy – but she was still so beautiful. She’d always been so beautiful to him.
> 
> His fingers moved slowly as they slid from her cheeks, not wanting to break contact with her yet, not wanting this single moment of quiet and understanding to end just yet. “I really missed you.” He whispered softly the only thing he could muster.
> 
> “I missed you too.” She told him softly, voice cracking from the recent sobs. Her hand moved to rest on top of his where it remained on her cheek while she looked into his eyes and it only took the small gesture to spark something inside of Josh. 
> 
> He moved in, closing the small distance between them as his lips crashed into hers. The kiss was the reunion he’d hoped to have with her before he knew why she’d left him. The kiss was strong and passionate, encompassing all of the time they’d been apart. His fingers moved into her hair as hers pulled him closer.


	4. Chapter 4

> Riley’s eyes moved around the room as they all sat in silence – the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. She looked from her parents to Josh to Maya and then to Kermit. Riley’s eyes were wide but for once she was silent, unable to break this tension with humor or a big grin. It didn’t feel like a family reunion – but of course how could it when Maya had been gone so long and Kermit had never been family. Riley didn’t often find herself lacking for words, but as she watched them all, she couldn’t even think of small talk.
> 
> Josh sat close to Maya, and it took Riley back to a different time between them - a time when they were more than anyone knew. They sat close to one another and seemed to be in their own bubble as Josh held Matthew and Maya looked on with a smile. Riley almost examined them, Maya had acted like Josh hated her but this didn’t look like hate – not even close. Cory sat on Josh’s other side on the sofa and smiled down at the dark haired baby. “I assume it’s not Matthew Matthews.” Cory attempted to break the ice with a smile.
> 
> “No.” Maya replied her smile reaching her eyes as she looked up from her son to Cory. “Matthew Kallen Hart.” She glanced at Josh but he didn’t meet her eyes, only seeing their son then but it didn’t bother Maya, in fact it made her feel even warmer inside. There was something about seeing Josh with Matthew, seeing him smile as he held the baby that brought her to a new level of joy.
> 
> Topanga looked on at the baby, unable to deny how cute he was, but also unable to truly feel any happiness at seeing him the first time. All she could think about was what had gone so wrong to have them all sitting there like that. She tried to control her voice along with her emotions when she spoke, but her eyes gave her away – she was not happy about any of this. “Did you call your parents yet?” she asked Josh, wondering if they knew they had a new grandchild as much as wanting to bring this little reunion back into reality.
> 
> Josh shook his head. “Not yet…I don’t want to do that over the phone.” Josh glanced over to Maya, he wanted her to go there with him, he wanted his parents to see Matthew, see how perfect he was – but he knew already that she wouldn’t be staying long enough to make that trip. When he felt his face begin to fall Josh simply turned back to the baby in his arms and his smile returned.
> 
> “When?” Topanga asked again and Josh looked up confused. “When are you going to tell them?” When he stumbled for an exact time, she cut him off to continue. “Do you want us to go with you?” She asked, her voice softer now, she wasn’t angry with Josh, she felt bad for him. He’d had all this thrown at him the same way they all had – except for Josh it was a much bigger life change that she thought he realized at the time.
> 
> “Oh.” He smiled a little. “Um, yeah, maybe.” He felt like a kid in that moment, admitting he wanted his big brother and sister with him to break bad news to his parents and he felt ashamed for it. He was supposed to be a dad now. “I don’t know.” He amended and offered her a forced smile.
> 
> Riley felt out of place as she sat on the arm of her mother’s chair, the room felt both confining and divided at the same time. While Riley fully believed that her mother had good intentions with her questions, she knew things were still off between them all. She took in a deep breath and plastered a smile on her face as she looked over to Maya and Josh as she stood up. “Can I hold him?”
> 
> “Of course!” The gesture made Maya smile wide and she stood up to let Riley take her seat on the couch near Josh. Maya moving to lean against Kermit’s chair as she stood, looking on as Josh handed Matthew over.
> 
> “Hi, Matty!” Riley said in a soft voice as she looked down on the baby. “I’m your cousin Riley.” She smiled down on him as Maya snapped a photo. She spoke to him for a few moments before he began to fuss and Riley’s eyes went wide. “Um…” She let out a nervous laugh and tried to shift him some. Her mind raced with what she could have done wrong. She tried to rock him a little in her arms but he only got louder and the few seconds felt like much longer with the small shriek coming at her while little chubby arms flailed at her. “Maya…” She felt the panic start to sink in, she had never been around a crying baby and she instantly felt like she’d already done something wrong. “What did I do?” her large eyes looked up almost scared.
> 
> “It’s okay, Riles.” Maya began, smiling sympathetically and moving in closer. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” Riley was moving to hand the crying baby to his mother as soon as Maya was closer enough to take him – Josh too looking on with furrowed brows. He hadn’t heard the baby cry yet in the short visits he’d had.
> 
> Maya swept Matthew up with ease and held him with one arm against her chest. and Riley watched with wide eyes. She had grown up with Maya, they’d done everything together, Maya was the troublemaker, the rebel…but now, now she was the mom. Maya stood, rocking back and forth and shhing Matthew, soothing him almost completely with what seemed like no effort. She didn’t look scared to hold him, or to care for him…this was her life now. So much had changed and it wasn’t until that moment that Riley really saw it all. They weren’t together learning about life anymore…and hadn’t been in a long time. As she watched Maya with unblinking eyes it felt like the realization had slapped her in the face. Maya was a mom. She had a son, she had a life like a grown-up. As Riley watched her childhood best friend she felt as far away from being a grown-up as someone could be.
> 
> “I think he’s just hungry. Riles, do you mind if I use your room.”
> 
> “Huh?” Riley seemed to have zoned out while staring at Maya, she blinked a few times. “My room?”
> 
> “To feed Matty.” She gave Riley a hinting expression.
> 
> Riley understood then that Maya wanted to talk privately. “Oh sure, yeah.” Riley stood and followed Maya into the room, closing the door behind her. “Did you need…whoa.” Riley chuckled nervously as she was faced with Maya’s shirt unbuttoned and her breast revealed. “You really meant feed him…I’m sorry, I didn’t…”
> 
> Maya laughed a little as she shifted her son up to her chest. “What did you think I meant?” Riley reached nervously for the door and began to apologize. “Riles, it’s okay. It’s just a boob…sit down, talk to me.”
> 
> Riley took in a deep breath and nodded. She looked around her own room for a second before moving to sit in the window. “Does that hurt?” Riley asked finding it hard to not look at what was happening in front of her.
> 
> “Sometimes.” Maya admitted honestly. “But not so bad that I mind it.” She half shrugged, not wanting to disrupt Matthew.
> 
> “Maya? Can I say something and you not take it really weird?”
> 
> “You can tell me anything.”
> 
> “Your chest is **huge**!” Maya looked at her shocked for a second before she and Riley both burst into laughter – she laughed so hard that she caused Matthew to break away from her and immediately fuss.
> 
> “So…” Cory began, looking around the room and thankful for a moment that his son was having dinner upstairs with Ava and her mother tonight. Something in the eyes of the other guests led him to believe that it wasn’t going to be as civil as it was for much longer. They all looked to him as he broke the silence and Cory chose to meet Kermit’s eyes. “How have things been in Ohio? Is the family well?” he chuckled nervously as he tried to make small talk.
> 
> Kermit smiled though, not letting the cold eyes of Mrs. Matthews get to him. “Things have been really good actually. Thanks for asking. Everyone back home is good. It’s funny actually, as soon as Maya came back home everything turned around. My family has never been better.” Kermit didn’t mean to rub anything in with his words, in truth he was just incredibly proud of all they’d overcome together and the way his family seemed to become stronger through the struggles. He was happy to have his first born home, he was happy to have a grandson in the house. He loved them all and felt more complete with the house filled with family.
> 
> Topanga scoffed slightly at his words and shook her head. She didn’t meet his eyes and Kermit realized then that his words might not be taken so well by the people Maya had left behind. “Listen…” He began again, offering a smile to Josh, then Topanga. “I know this hasn’t been ideal and I’m sorry for how things have affected you all. But, I can’t lie about being happy my family is together again.” He felt like he needed to justify himself, and while it didn’t settle well with him he didn’t want to fight so he tried his best to make things stay calm and relaxed.
> 
> “And that makes it okay?” Topanga asked, her voice a little higher as she worked to maintain her hostess role. “I understand you may be happy to have a family together, but what about our family? What about Josh?” Josh sunk back into the sofa at the mention of his name. This was exactly what he didn’t want to happen, he didn’t want them fighting for him, he could stand up for himself – couldn’t he?
> 
> Kermit met her eyes and tried to refrain from sighing by smiling. “I know, but your husband asked me how I was so I answered.” He turned to Josh. “I know this hasn’t been fair for you, but you know she’s trying to fix things now.”
> 
> As Kermit tried to show Josh he didn’t hold anything against him for the situation of his daughter, that he understood the boy’s position, Topanga cut across them both. “Of course it hasn’t been fair for him. Matthew is as much our family as yours. Why didn’t you call us?” Her voice had begun to waver, but it hadn’t raised to shouting yet.
> 
> Cory reached over to touch his wife’s hand. “Maybe now isn’t the time for this…” Cory tried to say. “You know I bet dinner is almost done, Topanga, you want to come with me to check the - ?”
> 
> But she ignored her husband’s attempts to change the subjects and remove her from the situation. “Why didn’t you call us as soon as you found out she was pregnant?” She focused on Kermit again. “Why didn’t you send her back?”
> 
> A sigh fell from Kermit’s lips then as he seemed to resign himself to this happening now. He thought back to his wife’s words back when he’d wanted to get involved in those decisions for Maya. Remembering how she stopped him from even questioning her about it all. “It was not my decision to make. Maya-”
> 
> “Not your decision to make?!” Topanga snapped this time, cutting him off. “Are you kidding me?!” Her voice raised then and could be heard in the next room where Maya was buttoning her shirt back up while Riley held Matthew. Maya’s face fell some and Riley’s eyes darted back and forth between Maya and the closed door. “She was a stupid, scared little girl of course it was your decision to make! What kind of parent are you?! Never mind, I’ve known the answer to that one for the last ten years.”
> 
> Maya swallowed hard and took a deep breath as she raised her head. She’d learned how to hold her head high even when she didn’t feel like she should. She forced a smile to Riley and reached for Matty, holding him against her always calmed her. She held him against her chest, his little face nuzzled against her neck as she opened the door.
> 
> Kermit’s cool exterior was failing him now and he sat up straighter. “First of all, I’d appreciate you not calling my daughter stupid again. She may have been scared, but she has never been stupid.” He said the words with a finality, his tone assuring everyone in the room that he was not going to let them insult Maya – even unintentionally. “Secondly, the kind of parent I am is not what matters here. What matters is the kind of parent Maya is. And the answer is very clear, she is an amazing mother. She takes care of that boy and loves him and it’s her choice to make when it comes to who she discusses their lives with. Not mine and certainly not yours.”
> 
> Maya stepped out then crossing the room with Matthew in her arms and moving to stand beside her father. Her free hand went to his stiff shoulder. “It’s okay.” She told him softly and moved to hand Matthew to him. Maya looked over to the family she’d left behind. “Please stop.” She said it softly; knowing her son was close to sleeping helped her keep her voice low. “Listen, I know you’re all angry, but be angry at me, not at my dad.” 
> 
> “Maya, you don’t need to.” Maya glanced back to Kermit as he spoke up. 
> 
> “Yes I do.” She told him flatly before turning back to Topanga. “I know you’ve seen me grow up and seen the bad stuff that happened with my dad and me. But that’s between him and me and we’ve worked hard to move past that. He has been there for me when I needed him – tried to be when I didn’t need him. He made mistakes, we all make mistakes. But…” She fiddled nervously with the burp cloth in her hands. “He’s changed and he’s my family. He is the one who brought me here to see you all, he’s the one who has been helping me and taking care of us.”
> 
> Maya sighed as she was met with silence and moved to sit back on the couch near Josh – sharing a cushion with Riley. “I know you would have taken care of us.” She told Topanga softly. “I know you would have supported me and made sure I finished school…but so did he.” Maya met Josh’s eyes for a moment, a silent apology in them before she continued speaking to Topanga and in turn Cory who had moved to stand close to his wife, taking her hand. “It was my choice to leave, it was my choice not to tell you and I’m sorry that hurt you. I never wanted to hurt anyone and maybe that was stupid but it’s the truth.” She glanced to her dad for only a second before moving her eyes back to her seemingly surrogate mother. “I’m sorry I lied to you. You don’t have to forgive me, but don’t blame my dad.”


	5. Chapter 5

> “Are you sure about this?” Kermit questioned his eldest daughter as he looked back over her shoulder to Josh sitting with Matthew in his arms behind her. 
> 
> “It’s going to be okay.” She told him, glancing back at the two before stepping outside the hotel room with her father. “Listen, I wouldn’t do this if I thought something bad was going to happen. I know he was pissed and he probably still is, but he’s not going to be a jerk about it.” when Kermit let out a sigh she continued. “I promise.” She confirmed. “Just tell the girls I have another stop to make and I’ll be home.”
> 
> Josh would be driving her and Matthew to Philadelphia to talk to his parents and then driving her back to Ohio. Kermit couldn’t help but be hesitant; he’d even tried to convince Maya that if he came home without her that her little sisters would be devastated. The last time he’d left her with Josh she’d taken off and then gotten pregnant. He knew he couldn’t hold her back, he couldn’t tell her what to do, but at the same time he didn’t want to risk her not coming back.
> 
> He’d even pulled Josh aside when he arrived at the hotel and told him that this wasn’t going to be like the last time. He made sure Josh knew this time he if he didn’t bring Maya home he would come to find them.
> 
> When Maya slipped back inside the room Josh had honestly been surprised to see her without her father. He had been sure after talking to Kermit that the man wouldn’t let her out of his sight again. 
> 
> Maya hesitated stepping closer as she closed the door. Looking over to Josh holding her son – their son – and smiling was almost too much to take. She could feel the warmth filling her as she smiled back. She hadn’t been sure what this would be like, but Kermit wouldn’t leave unless Josh was staying in the hotel with them – leaving his daughter and first grandchild alone in a cheap hotel in New York was not an option.
> 
> “What?” Josh asked, catching her staring.
> 
> She just shook her head. “Nothing.” But he just kept staring up at her, knowing it was something. “Just…seeing you with him like that... it makes me happy.”
> 
> Josh nodded with a sad smile. “Then stay.” He said bluntly. “Stay here and you can see it all the time.” He stood, Matthew still in his arms, and move closer to her. “I know part of you wants to, New York is your home…you have family here too now.” He reminded her. “I’m your family.” He had never kissed someone while holding a baby – but there was a first for everything and he moved in to close the space between them – but Maya pulled back.
> 
> “Josh…” She began. There was pain in both of their eyes – she’d never pulled away from him like that before, never wanted to. She began to speak, to try to ease the blow, but he shook his head and turned away from her. 
> 
> “It’s fine.” He muttered with his back to her and trying to focus on Matthew.
> 
> “It’s just not that easy. We have a home in Ohio…” She told him softly but he didn’t turn towards her again. He just looked down at the baby and wondered how he was going to be able to make all of this work. He was sure he’d made a mistake in letting her back in, in getting so attached to the baby so fast. She was going to take him away again – hell he was going to drive her there. Why had he agreed to that? 
> 
> He swallowed hard, as he lay Matthew in the playpen and turned to face her. She was sitting on one of the two beds in the room, knees to her chest as she stared towards the window in silence. “I’m sorry.” He muttered as he moved to sit at the foot of her bed.
> 
> She stepped in closer but didn’t close the gap between them. “No, I’m sorry.” She began. “I don’t know what to do anymore.” She admitted. “I want to stay and then I think of twenty reasons it’s a bad idea, and then I want to go and do the same thing. I want you, and I want the security I have in Ohio. I want my family with me and then sometimes I wish I never went back to them so I’d have always been with you.” Her eyes filled with tears that she didn’t want. “I love you and at the same time I’m scared of you and I don’t know what to do. I just don’t know.” She was so confused and conflicted she couldn’t make sense of any of it. 
> 
> He watched her, taking in all she was saying as best he could but one thing stuck with him. “You’re scared of me?” She looked up at him with wide eyes. Had she said that out loud? “Why would you be scared of me? If anything I should be scared of you.”
> 
> She couldn’t tell him, she couldn’t spill her fears. What if he hadn’t even considered wanting custody, wanting to take Matthew away from her and keep him in New York. But what if he had thought about it? What if she held back too much and he decided he couldn’t trust her? “I…” She sighed. “I’m sorry, it’s not fair for me to say it, and really I didn’t mean to but…” Her eyes met his. “I’ve worked really hard to be strong, to be strong all my life and especially since Matty was born. I have to be. And you…you make me weak. You make me feel open and vulnerable and it’s really fucking scary, Josh.”
> 
> He nearly laughed at her. “And you think I don’t feel the same way about you? Do you know how much I love you, Maya? You destroyed me, and here I am asking you to stay. And yeah it’s scary, but I’ve never given you any reason to think I would ever hurt you.”
> 
> “I know” She told him with a sigh. “I know and I’m sorry. I told you it wasn’t fair for me to say it, but it’s in my head.” She omitted the exact fears, but it all added up to the same thing to her. 
> 
> The serious conversations calmed for a while, long enough for both of them to get comfortable and find themselves sitting on the same bed sharing a pizza but Josh’s mind kept going. Maya too thought of lots of things she wanted to say to him, but it had all seemed so calm she worried if she brought anything up again it would bring on an argument or tears and she chose to keep silent rather than risk it. 
> 
> But unlike Maya, Josh pushed the fears away. He couldn’t let go of the fact that she was leaving, that he would have to take her back to Ohio and leave her there with his son. She’d made her choices and she didn’t seem to be concerned with how it left him. “Can I ask you something?” Maya nodded and the dread began to creep up inside her. She had a feeling the calm between them was going to soon end. “Do you want me to be around? I mean _really_ around, I mean in his life every day.”
> 
> Maya opened her mouth to speak but closed it, letting the words wash over her and thinking about her reply before just blurting things out. “I want you in his life, Josh, I wouldn’t have come back and told you about him if I didn’t. But that doesn’t mean I can leave Ohio to make that happen. I have a life there, Matty has family he loves who love him. We have a really good situation there that we couldn’t have here. You…you don’t understand how much everything changes.” She regretted her words as soon as they came out of her mouth – the look on his face was clue enough she’d crossed a line. Before he could cut her off she carried on quickly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant, how much everything changed for me. How I see things, how I think, how I look at the world. It’s all different.”
> 
> Josh tossed his half-eaten slice of pizza into the box and turned to face her. He was trying hard not to get angry and just let her explain – he’d wanted to talk after all. “I love New York, but everything is expensive, you don’t see it Josh, I’m sorry but you don’t. You have never struggled for anything but you know as well as I do that if we got married everything would change. I’ve heard the stories from Cory, how your parents wouldn’t help them when they got married, that they had to do it themselves. You might still get your school paid for, but what about where we live? How we eat and keep the lights on? We’d be working all the time, and then paying someone to watch Matty.”
> 
> “Cory – “
> 
> “They have jobs, Josh. They have lives, they can’t be expected to take care of him. Or us.” She needed him to understand she wasn’t trying to be selfish, she was trying to be a mother. “I don’t want someone else taking care of my son, he’s mine, not Topanga’s.” She let out a sigh, glancing over to Matthew for a moment. “It should be me, I’m his mother, I should be providing for him and taking care of him. And yes, I live with my family but…they have the room, they don’t have to change their whole lives to make it happen. Cory and Topanga would. You know they would – and I know they would help but…I’m not their responsibility and neither are you.” She felt like she was being cruel, but she didn’t know how else to explain it to him. “Do I want you there, of course I do. I love you, I love seeing you with him. But…I can’t move here to make that happen. I’m sorry…I just can’t.”
> 
> Josh was quiet for a long time, part of him had wanted to shout at her, to tell her she was wrong and they could do anything. People would help them. But another part kept him quiet – knowing she was right. He’d known all his life he was spoiled, he was the miracle baby, he was the youngest and he was given everything and always taken care of. He thought back to the stories he’d heard about Cory and Topanga being married in college – stories they were told more than once when he and Maya were getting serious. He thought to how hard it had been for them when Riley was born. How even with Eric around a lot of the time they had little time and struggled. Sure they were doing good now, but neither he nor Maya had a job like Topanga had – neither of them had the kind of money coming in that afforded them so many choices. He still got an allowance monthly from his parents as they wanted him to focus on school more than working.
> 
> “You’re right.” He muttered after a very long silence. He felt broken as he accepted that she wasn’t coming back and that his son was going with her. “I just don’t want you to leave.” Maya scooted closer then and wrapped her arms around his middle, hugging him to her as his arms moved around her in return. They stayed close to one another for a long time just silently holding on.
> 
> \--*--*--*--*--
> 
> Josh slept well so close to Maya, remembering back when things were simple and they would wrap themselves up in one another in his small dorm room bed. He laid behind her his arms wrapped around her and keeping her close. Her scent had changed slightly but it still calmed him and allowed him to sleep deeply nuzzled into her hair. 
> 
> Over the years many things had woken up Josh abruptly, nightmares, sirens, a TV left on – but none were ever so high pitched and jarring as the sound of his son crying five feet away. Josh shot up, his heart racing and head jerking around. He’d forgotten in the seconds of waking that he was in the hotel room with Maya. He took a few deep breaths as the realization of what that sound was kicked in. 
> 
> Maya on the other hand got up with ease, she stretched a little and reached for her phone on the nightstand to use as a dull light. She didn’t acknowledge Josh at first but instead went right to where Matthew slept in his playpen. Her voice was soft and gentle and Josh just stared as she smiled sleepily down at her screaming son. “Hey little man.” She reached down, picking him up with one hand and grabbing a diaper and wipe with the other. Josh rubbed his eyes to try and focus them more, unable to take surprised eyes off her. “It’s okay, shhh, shh, Mommy will get you all dry.” She changed the diaper so fast and expertly – not at all seeming phased to be woken up by a scream in the middle of the night. She held him, rocking him a little in one arm as she shhhed him and with her other arm she was pulling down the tank-top she was wearing and exposing her chest. 
> 
> Josh was torn between turning away and staring with wide eyes. Despite her being there almost a week he hadn’t seen her breastfeed yet. Maya settled Matthew into his 3 AM meal and sat back down on the bed next to Josh. She leaned her head back against the headboard and let her eyes close for a moment as she relaxed but she could feel eyes on her. When her father was sharing the room with her, he just knew to turn his back and let her do her thing when it was time to feed her son, and she often used a blanket to cover what was exposed, but she hadn’t thought it necessary with Josh since he’d seen her naked many times before. 
> 
> Maya glanced over to Josh who seemed to be staring in a daze at her and she snickered a little. “You okay over there, future-doctor?”
> 
> “Huh?” He asked, blinking hard and finally meeting her eyes. Her laughter snapped him out of his half-asleep daze. “Shut up.” He replied, but smiled. “How do you just wake up like that?”
> 
> Maya was a little surprised that he was asking about her waking up rather than the breastfeeding like Riley did. She shrugged slightly, careful not to shift the baby. “I don’t know, I just do. I guess the first week or so it was a little hard, but now I almost expect it enough to wake up before he does.” She explained, shifting a little on the bed to get more comfortable. 
> 
> Josh was quiet for a while then as he thought about what it would have been like to have her here the first week, both of them startled awake. She couldn’t ever sleep with him at the dorm; he’d be kicked out for sure. And at his brother’s place Matthew would surely wake the whole house every night. “Does everyone wake up?” 
> 
> “At home?” Josh nodded and she continued. “Dad and Jules get up on occasion, but the girls have gotten used to it and sleep right through it.” 
> 
> “Don’t know that I could ever sleep through it.” Maya silently wondered then if he really could or not, if he’d get used to it if they’d stayed together but she didn’t mention those thoughts to Josh.
> 
> Once Matthew was sleeping soundly again Josh and Maya lay side by side on the bed facing one another. They were so close on their sides their noses were only inches apart. “Did it just…change or did you have to make yourself get used to it?” He asked softly as he watched her eyes. He’d missed those eyes – especially looking back at him in the dark like this. 
> 
> “It was like someone flipped a switch inside me when he was born. When I was still pregnant I worried a lot, worried if I was doing the right thing, if I could be a good mom. I worried about anything possible you can imagine worrying about.” She spoke softly, not needing to be loud when she was so close to him. “I was thinking about if he’d be healthy and if he wasn’t what would I do. It’s weird how much gets into your head. I was thinking about how I would pay for college one day and he wasn’t even born yet. I didn’t sleep well and I had the weirdest dreams.” She felt herself getting off topic of the question. “But yeah, once he was out, literally everything just changed. I woke up without being a grump.” She added with a teasing smile. “I don’t go out because I only want to be with him. I love when it’s time to eat because he’s close to me. I miss him sometimes, when he’s not in my arms…he could be in the next room and I will miss him. It’s so weird but at the same time it feels so normal. Like that’s how it should be.” She blushed a little as she spoke, telling him things that truly mattered to her. 
> 
> “The way you talk about your life now, about him…it makes me feel like I’m… just doing nothing with my life. I have nothing like what you have with him.” Josh admitted. 
> 
> “It’s not the same thing.” She interrupted. “You’re studying to be a doctor, that’s a really important thing. You’re going to make a real difference in the world. You might cure some insane disease, save lives… I know how important that is, that’s why I didn’t want you to stop for me.” She was almost whispering then. “You’re going to be something so incredibly amazing….you always have been for me.”
> 
> Josh expected to be upset with her talking about why she didn’t tell him again but he wasn’t at all. He looked into her eyes as she spoke so softly all he could do was remember why he loved her so much. He reached over then, touching her cheek gently. “You’ve always been amazing for me too.” He told her in a voice as soft as hers. He moved in so slowly it was hard for her to even see him getting closer. “I love you so much.” He whispered before their lips met. 
> 
> Neither was able to say who closed the gap between them and kissed first, they seemed to move together in that moment. His fingers moved into her hair, his kisses slow but incredibly passionate. They pressed together in the bed, clinging to one another as they hadn’t done since before she’d left New York. His fingers move softly over her cheek and down the side of her neck and his lips soon followed. 
> 
> On one level Maya knew what they were doing wasn’t the best idea. She knew it was going to make them more dependent on one another making it that much harder to leave. She raised a hand up and placed it on his chest, ready to say his name and stop him. But as his lips moved down her neck all her thoughts went fuzzy and her fingers instead curled around his shirt, holding onto him. She tilted her neck to the side, giving him access as his lips moved down towards her collarbone and pushed her fingers into his hair.
> 
> Instead of moving further down her chest, he made his way back to her mouth. He wanted to savor her, move so slow that maybe time would slow down too and he could keep her with him longer. He pulled back from a deep kiss to whisper “I love you.” 
> 
> She didn’t think at all when she replied “I love you too.” She did love him, she’d always loved him. Hearing the words in that moment made him tingle as if it were the first time she’d ever said it. 


	6. Chapter 6

> Maya pulled open the door with her infant son in her arm. Her eyes immediately widened. “Oh my god! Josh!?” It had been a month since he’d left her there in Ohio. They’d talked almost every day and skyped often so Matthew and Josh could see one another. But never in any of those talks had he mentioned a visit. “What are you doing here?!” She was shocked but couldn’t help herself as she moved forward and wrapped her free arm around him. 
> 
> Josh smiled wide as he hugged Maya and Matthew close to him. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, they smelled so nice together. It only confirmed to him that he’d made the best choice. “I missed you.” He said as he pulled back. He reached for Matthew, “both of you.”
> 
> Maya smiled softly as she watched him hold Matthew with a certain ease that she appreciated. “I missed you too! Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” She gave him a playful hit to the arm as she stepped aside to let him in. 
> 
> Josh smiled down at Matthew who reached up to grab at his nose. He sat down near Maya where she curled in the corner of the old sofa and shifted the baby in his arms. “Well I didn’t want you to try to talk me out of it.”
> 
> She let out a chuckle. “Why would I ever do that?” 
> 
> “Well…” He took a breath, “I did some thinking and I made a choice of my own.” 
> 
> Her brow furrowed some as she looked at him, made a choice of his own? What could that mean – except going back to her having made the choice to move away? Her mind was instantly going towards his wanting to talk about legal custody and she tried not to let any fear show in her face. “What kind of choice?”
> 
> “About the future, about you and me and Matty.” She continued to stare at him. “I don’t want to be apart, Maya. I want to be with you, I want us to be a family.” 
> 
> “We talked about-” Maya began, but Josh cut her off. 
> 
> “No, we talked about not quitting school. Not where I lived while I’m in school.” Before she could ask what he was talking about he continued. “I’m transferred to Youngstown, I start in September.”
> 
> Maya’s eyes went wide. “You did what?!” 
> 
> “Transferred.” He smiled proudly, as if he’d figured out all the answers. She’d made all the choices before and he couldn’t go back and change anything, but he knew if he’d made the right choices, he could make it better going forward – and to Josh this was just the thing. “Youngstown is less than 30 minutes from your front door. They have a medical program and I can transfer all my credits.” Maya sat in shock as he spoke so happily. “Maya, isn’t this great?” He asked, eyes watching her hoping for a better reaction than the confused shock he was getting in return. “Maya? What do you think?”
> 
> “You…you’re moving here? To Cortland?” He nodded happily. “You’re still going to school?” Another nod. “And you did it just…just to be near us?” It was then she had begun to soften, her worries were slipping away and she was filled with a flattering warmth.
> 
> “Maya, I’d do anything to be near the two of you. This is our family.” In the time he’d been apart from her Josh spent many hours with his family. His parents had their advice to give, what they expected of him, what they thought was the right thing to do. They would have preferred him to marry Maya immediately and if needed, they would move in with them in Philadelphia until they could get out on their own. Josh would go to school closer to home and work. Josh knew of course that Maya would never go for this, marriage maybe, but moving not a chance. Topanga was more pragmatic about it all, she wanted him to take a legal method. She wanted him to have a DNA test done to have his name added to Matthew’s birth certificate. He would be able to get visitation for his son and in turn Maya would get child support as she deserved. Neither of them should be doing anything alone and neither should be making _all_ the decisions. But Josh didn’t want to go that direction, he knew that if Maya was served with any legal papers she would take it the wrong way. He thought over everything and talked to everyone in his family – even Auggie. And the only thing that seemed to make any sense was that they all should be together and it was up to him to make that happen.
> 
>  
> 
> \--*--*--*--*--
> 
> Kermit eyed the young many as he carried in a bag and walked back to Maya’s room – only looking away when his’s wife’s hand touched his shoulder. “You agreed to this.” She reminded him. 
> 
> “Yeah…but only so she wouldn’t move into some shitty apartment with him.” Kermit grumbled as he turned his back on the moving process and took a seat in the kitchen. He finally had his daughter back – back and happy. He had grown to know her – and well. He had developed a relationship with his first grandchild…he didn’t want to lose that yet. He missed so much with Maya, he didn’t want to miss it with Matthew.
> 
> Maya had begun making plans to move in with Josh into their own place but Kermit immediately put a stop to it. ‘Josh should just move in here. Save your money for a while and then get a nice place.’ He’d told his daughter. And from there it went. Now the boy who had knocked up his daughter was moving into her bedroom. 
> 
> In the back bedroom, Josh put down the last bag of stuff on the floor and looked over to Maya as she sat down a box. She met his eyes with a smile and they moved close to one another. “I still can’t believe this is happening…you’re here and staying.” She told him softly as her arms moved around his neck. 
> 
> Josh pulled Maya close to him, a little sweaty from moving in the hot August weather, but she didn’t seem to mind as she got on her toes and kissed him. He smiled against her lips as he walked her backwards towards the bed and laid them both down. Maya let out a small laugh as they plopped against the mattress. Josh grinned wide. “Hang on.” He told her and jumped up and closed the door before returning back to her. She took a hold of his shirt and pulled it up over his head, tossing it to the floor as her lips moved over his shoulders. He kissed at her neck, sending shivers down her spine. “God I love you.” He breathed out against her skin.
> 
> Kermit’s head popped up as he heard the door close down the hall. “I swear…” he began. “If I hear them having sex…he’s sleeping on the porch.” 
> 
> Jules could only chuckle at her husband. “How about we go out “The girls are at school till 3, lets go out to lunch just you and me.” Kermit agreed with a nod and a glare down the hall. He knew what his daughter was doing down there. Just as her own shirt hit the floor, Maya and Josh were interrupted by the knock at the door. “Maya! We’re going out to lunch!”
> 
> “Just a minute!” She called as she pushed Josh aside and jumped up. He blinked a few times, taken back to when they first got together. They were living together now, they had a baby, why was she acting so nervous? He wondered if living with your parents made you feel less grown up…he hadn’t been with his since he started NYU, but she’d never lived on her own. 
> 
> Maya pulled her shirt back on and pulled open the door with a flushed face and forced smile to her step-mother. “So you’re going out?”
> 
> Jules let out a small laugh. “Mmhmm, Matty is asleep in the living room, here’s the monitor.” She offered her step-daughter a knowing smile when she handed over the baby monitor. They wouldn’t get alone time in the house very often so they better take advantage of it now. 
> 
> Maya left Josh in the bedroom as she went to check on her son and lock the door behind her parents. She watched the car pull out of the driveway before she made her way back to him. As soon as she crossed the threshold of the door, her shirt was back on the floor. She climbed on the bed, straddling his waist as he lay back on the bed he’d now get to share with her. He pulled her down to kiss her deeply as his hands slid down her back and over her ass. He slid his fingers down to grab onto the back of her thighs and pull her against him. With her flush against his body he rolled them over and pressed down between her legs as he continued to kiss her. 
> 
> It didn’t take long before Josh was pulling off her shorts and panties, leaving her naked on the bed. He bowed his head down and kissed her stomach, then down her hip. Maya shivered beneath him. He’d been the only guy to ever touch her intimately and it had been so long since they’d been in this position. He lowered his head between her legs and teased her with his tongue. No matter how long it had been, he knew her body well, had memorized it in New York. He took hold of her legs, putting them up over his shoulders to better pleasure her. 
> 
> Maya’s hand reached down, running through his hair and tugging against it lightly. She tried to be quiet but softly little gasps and moans slipped out. He went down on her like a man on a mission, bringing her to orgasm in what felt like far too soon to Maya. She bit down on her own hand to muffle the sounds as he flicked his tongue against her clit while fingers slid inside her. 
> 
> Josh pulled back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he watched her breasts ride and fall as she caught her breath. He sported a prideful smile as he looked down at her – he loved that he could do that to her. But it wasn’t enough for Maya. She sat up, grabbing him and pulling him against her. She kissed him deeply as her fingers moved at his belt.
> 
> She rolled the condom onto him with ease, her lips colliding with his once more. She laid back, with her hand on the back of his neck she brought him down with her. She let out a small gasp as he slid inside, matching the slight groan he let out. He’d been aching for her, needing her. Other girls had shown interest, but he’d never shown interest – not once he had Maya, after her no one else mattered. And now he had her back. 
> 
> Josh held himself up over her, eyes on her as he moved at a slow pace. He wanted to make it last, wanted to be with her like this forever. But unfortunately…nothing lasted forever. The young couple was given an hour before their son was awake and wanting their attention. It was just enough time to go again before taking a quick shower and getting dressed. 
> 
> He watched as Maya, with hair still wet from the shower they’d jumped in together, sat on the couch holding their son. He looked around the house. A house, with her family, a family he didn’t even really know. It was then that Josh began to fully accept how much his life was changing. That this wasn’t just some romantic story about reuniting with the woman he loved and having a family with her. This was real…very, very real.


	7. Chapter 7

> Josh grew up far different than Maya– he never wanted for anything. He was a spoiled child, between being the youngest with such doting older siblings, to being a ‘miracle baby’ he was given everything. He had lived a middle-upper class life in Philadelphia – so much so that his life in Cortland was a large dose of culture shock for him. He went from a city life to a very small town in the country. And other than his smaller dorm at NYU he spent the majority of his life in a large house where he always had his own space to now sharing a bedroom with his girlfriend and baby in a house with the rest of her family. 
> 
> He was thankful to be allowed to move in to Kermit’s home, to be given a chance for the life with Maya he wanted to have. But it became clear very soon that the life he was living with her was not what he’d dreamed up. He had dreams of a grand life, of a happy couple with a sweet baby. Something like he’d seen on TV, but living with the Hart’s was nothing like TV. 
> 
> The house was always loud no matter what time of day it was. If Matty wasn’t screaming, the two younger girls were playing or arguing. The TV was always on and usually loudly. And between school and work, he and Maya didn’t see one another as much as he’d hope. While Kermit had invited him to stay – Josh knew the truth. He’d only been asked to move in because if he didn’t Maya would move out to be with him. They wanted Maya and Matty with them so they did what they needed to do to keep the two there – they brought Josh in. 
> 
> There wasn’t any obvious disdain for Josh in the home, but Josh never could feel completely comfortable there. It wasn’t ‘home’ to him, it didn’t feel like a home, didn’t feel like the kind of life he wanted to have. The house was in constant need of repairs and money was tight – but none of them seemed to notice. He couldn’t comprehend why they didn’t notice – he didn’t consider his parents to be rich, but they didn’t live like this.
> 
> Josh didn’t want to judge them, but he couldn’t help but wonder why this was the life Maya would choose. They could be in Philly, they could be in New York…they could be in a place where the air conditioning was always running in the summer and you didn’t depend on open windows and fans to keep cool in July. He could imagine turning his old room at his parents into a room for them both, Morgan’s old room into a nursery for Matthew… they would have their own space that way. 
> 
> But he’d made his choice, and he had to stand by it. She made it clear she wasn’t leaving Ohio, and he didn’t want to lose her again. He needed her - needed their family. But even knowing that need – he didn’t feel like he belonged there and had to ask himself several times what he was even doing there.
> 
>  \--*--*--*--*--
> 
> Maya didn’t notice how quiet Josh had become at first – she’d not been around him as much in the last year. It was easy to forget how much he used to talk now that she had Matty to focus on. It wasn’t until he came home late and smelling like smoke that she began to realize just how much he’d begun to change since his move to Cortland.
> 
> “So…” She began as she sat on the side of the bed rocking Matty in her arms. “Where’d you go after class tonight?” 
> 
> Josh shrugged. “Just hung out with some friends.”
> 
> “Oh.” She forced her eyes not to look at him, not wanting him to see her disappointment. 
> 
> “Why?” He asked quickly, but she just shook her head. “What? I shouldn’t go out?”
> 
> “I didn’t say a word, Josh.”
> 
> “You want to.” 
> 
> Maya swallowed hard and her lips tightened. He was right, she _did_ want to, and why shouldn’t she? She’d never held her tongue before, what made things feel so different now? She stood up and took the few steps across the room to put Matthew in his bed and turn on the mobile. Only when the baby was settled did she turn to her boyfriend.
> 
> “Just say it, Maya.”
> 
> She looked up into his eyes and finally saw something different in them, something harder. “I don’t have anything to say.” She replied as she turned away from him and walked out of the bedroom, leaving him standing with his arms crossed.
> 
> He followed her through the house. “So, what? I can’t have friends now?” It was then he realized the entire family was sitting in the living room and all looked at him. 
> 
> Maya let out a huff and grabbed the baby monitor and walked out the front door without another word. The family all watched silently as Josh stiffened and then followed her – feeling their eyes on his back as he went.
> 
> “What is your problem, Josh?” she snapped at him as soon as they were both on the porch. 
> 
> “What’s yours? And don’t give me that ‘I didn’t say anything’ bullshit, it’s all over your face. You’re pissed because I came home late.”
> 
> “No, Josh. I’m pissed because you didn’t think to call and tell me. I’m pissed because I work and you go to school and we never see each other anymore as it is. I’m pissed because I thought when you moved here you really wanted to be part of a family, not just around to help when you feel like it?”
> 
> “Oh, don’t give me that! I help all the time, and you fucking know it!” He nearly yelled, not thinking about anyone else hearing him. 
> 
> “Okay, so how about I go out tomorrow and you can make sure to get the baby from daycare and feed him and give him a bath and maybe when it’s time for him to go to sleep I’ll come home.” Maya challenged.
> 
> “Go ahead.”
> 
> “Right.” She replied, rolling her eyes.
> 
> “See, it doesn’t even matter! You don’t think I can do it anyway. You’ve never left me alone with him, so why should it matter if I’m here or not.”
> 
> “Why don’t you _want_ to be here?!” She asked, this time being the one to get loud.
> 
> “I don’t know why you _want_ to be here.” He replied, in a low voice. “I came because I had to, you weren’t going to move with me and I wanted my family together. Unlike you, I care if we’re all together.”
> 
> Maya’s eyes went wide at his words. “That’s bullshit and you know it!” She snapped. “I wouldn’t care about you coming home late again if I didn’t want us to be together.”
> 
> “We should be in New York and you know it.” He replied in a nasty voice. “Or at least in Philly.”
> 
> “To be with _your_ family, what about _my_ family?!”
> 
> “What about them?! They didn’t even know you for most of your life!”
> 
> “That’s not fair!” She shouted back, tears welling in her eyes. 
> 
> “You said it yourself when you came back to New York!”
> 
> “You’re just so used to someone else taking care of you that you can’t stand having to grow up and take care of yourself!” She shot back, wanting to hurt him like he hurt her. “You hate it here, just admit it! You wish you’d never come here!”
> 
> “I wish _you’d_ never come here! If you never came, I wouldn’t have to be here!”
> 
> “Have to be?” She asked with narrowed eyes.
> 
> “Yes. _Have_ to be.” He replied with a glare. “If I want to be with you and Matthew, I _have_ to be here, you made that completely clear. You weren’t going to change your life, so I changed mine. For You.” He glared at her. “This was your choice so get the hell over it.” 
> 
> “That’s not fair. We talked about why-” But he cut her off. 
> 
> “Life’s not fair.” He reminded her, ready to throw a lot of ‘not fair’ things her way. “ _We_ didn’t do anything. _You_ talked about why, and I let it go. I did the right thing, I always do the right thing…and frankly I’m sick of it. You want to throw in my face that I don’t help, but you didn’t exactly go out of your way for me!” At this point, several neighbors came outside to listen to the young couple fight but neither Josh nor Maya seemed to notice.
> 
> “I am _not_ going to keep having this same fight with you.” She replied back, trying not to let her eyes well so much that the tears spilled over her cheeks. “I made a mistake! That doesn’t mean I’m the God dammed villain in this relationship forever. I apologized to you so many times, Josh. You cannot keep using it against me!” She glared at him as she shouted. “You tell me to get over it, well _you_ get over it!” She shoved past him then as she found herself unable to keep her tears at bay.
> 
> Josh was met with a door slammed in his face as he tried to follow Maya back into the house. He shook his head and grumbled as he opened it and looked around. Kermit and Jules both looked up at him from their place on the couch, Maya’s sisters both glared at him as if he’d kicked a puppy – but no Maya. He refused to acknowledge any of them and turned down the hall to find his girlfriend. As soon as he reached their closed bedroom door, the door swung open and he was hit in the face with a pillow before the door closed once more. He reached for the handle but she’d locked it. 
> 
> He knocked. “Maya, c’mon you’re being ridiculous.” He called through the door. 
> 
> Maya glared at the door as the baby stirred. “Shhh shhh.” She muttered, turning the soft sounds of the mobile back on before opening the bedroom door once more. She glared up at Josh. “You’re gonna wake him up!” She hissed.
> 
> “Let me in” He told her, trying to step inside their bedroom, but she wouldn’t budge.
> 
> “No, I don’t even want to look at you right now.” 
> 
> “C’mon, this is stupid.” But Maya’s only response to Josh’s words was the door closing and locking once more – leaving him standing in the hall holding a pillow and feeling foolish. The last thing he wanted was to go back down the hall and face her family now. 
> 
> It was the first fight Maya and Josh had since he’d moved in, the first time they really let out everything they’d been holding in for the last month. Maya hadn’t realized how upset she was – and definitely hadn’t known how upset Josh was either. Just thinking about the fight kept her from sleeping that night. She and Josh hadn’t been apart for the night since he’d moved in and she missed him being close to her as she turned out the lights. 
> 
> She tossed and turned for hours before she finally gave in and knew it was time to let go of her anger and talk to him. She peeked into the crib – smiling down at her sleeping son. “What do you think, Matty? Did mommy screw it all up?” She whispered so quietly Matthew didn’t even stir. She nodded to herself. “Yup, I did.”
> 
> In socked feet Maya slipped out of the bedroom and down the hall. She found Josh on the couch and frowned to herself. “Josh?” She whispered, “You awake?”
> 
> He rolled over, looking up at her with tired eyes. “Yup.” He sat up, making a place for her to sit beside him on the old sofa.
> 
> “I’m sorry.” She whispered
> 
> “Me too.” He replied.


End file.
